Marriage Counseling

in Moscow, Idaho

MARRIAGE COUNSELING

(Please note I am not taking new couples clients at this time.)

You’re committed to your marriage and your spouse, but you’re worried, unhappy, and stuck.

You’ve tried to fix it on your own, but it hasn’t helped.  Sometimes talks turn into fights. You have the same argument again and again, or you’ve stopped talking altogether.  You don’t want to hurt each other. Your communication breaks down.

You might have tried to work through a serious betrayal or loss, but neither of you has healed. Now one of you still feels guilty and one of you still doesn’t trust.

Maybe you can’t point to the exact moment when you stopped talking honestly to each other. So you go through the motions and then go to bed, relieved to go to work the next day for a break. Then you come home irritated at feeling pressured, or sad about feeling alone. You need help from each other, but you’re afraid to ask, and you’re tired of fighting or silence.

You want to feel happy and loved, like you matter to your spouse.

It’s far from over, but you’re not sure what to do.  You’re ready to roll up your sleeves and get to work.  You have no idea where to start, but you’re ready. And you know you need help.

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A marriage is going to have a few rough spots

All kinds of pressures and circumstances can lead to trouble with marriage.  By nature, life isn’t easy, and it stands to reason that even the strongest couples will face challenges from time to time. Life is busy and fast paced. School and careers make time feel crunched. Kids come along and change everything. Financial pressures, illnesses and losses can challenge friendship and passion.

Arguments escalate into problems that don’t seem to go away. Sometimes, issues from the past resurface and drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Patterns of conflict or detachment replace patterns of connection.  In the bigger picture, hook-up culture, dating apps, and the internet feed the quick-fix or trade-up mentality.

The good news is that with the help of a good marriage counselor using research-based therapy, most couples can work through hurts and differences. In fact, you can even build a marriage that is better than ever before.

How do you get the marriage you want?

According to the Gottman Institute, couples wait an average of six years to seek marriage counseling once they know they’re having trouble. Whether or not you’ve waited six years, the problems you’re facing in your marriage have probably been developing for awhile. So, it is going to take commitment, focused work, and a marriage counselor who knows how to help.

We’ll use the top two evidence-based approaches to marriage counseling: the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy.

Using these approaches, you can rebuild your friendship and create emotional safety for and with each other again. You’ll discover:

  • How to replace entrenched patterns of arguing or retreating from communication. New conflict management strategies will dissolve the dread of confrontation.
  • How prior relationships impact your current one and what to do about it.
  • New ways to manage anger and anxiety, and to communicate your needs in ways that get heard. Finally, you’ll practice the non-judgmental, safe listening that you both crave.

Working toward these goals can create the conditions for a closer sex life to blossom, and for you each to prioritize life dreams and aspirations.

What is marriage counseling with me actually like?

I approach my practice like this: we’re all just people. We do the best we can with the experiences and influences we’ve had.

I deliver professional service in a down-to-earth, occasionally humorous way. I take my training and work very seriously, and I will take your problems and pain very seriously, but I try not to take myself too seriously.

As a counselor, I’ve dedicated years to intensive professional training to provide counseling that delivers warm, caring and research-based therapy. We’ll combine my experience and training with your willingness show up with courage and commitment

I am not a counselor who occasionally sees couples. Marriage counseling is not something I do when the opportunity arises. I’ve completed and continue to pursue extensive, specialized training unique to helping couples. I have intensive, on-site, professional training from some of the most respected leaders in the field.

Happy married couple together in a vegetable garden.

What kinds of couples do I work with?

I’ve worked with troubled couples married just a few months to couples who’ve been married more than forty years.

I have known couples to recover from affairs, years of emotional distance, heartbreaking losses, and the erosion of trust through neglect. I’ve known others to nurture their solid, but lackluster, partnerships back to romantic affection, warmth, and laughter. Many come in distant, frustrated, angry, or devastated, and are amazed at what they are able to reveal to each other and grow through.

With help and support, it is possible to transform your marriage.

marriage & premarital counseling in Moscow, ID

Marriage counseling takes commitment, and you have a few questions.

Does marriage counseling work?

Marriage counseling sometimes gets a bad rap. It can take real time and effort: to find the right counselor; to problem solve the dynamics and conflict; to create new and lasting patterns; and to lay the foundation for deep trust and friendship that will last throughout your lives. Committing to such an involved process can be intimidating.

However, the combination of an experienced marriage counselor using research-proven methods and a couple who wants to make their marriage work can produce astonishingly good results.

Isn’t marriage counseling expensive?

There’s no getting around it: marriage counseling is an investment, and you need to consider carefully what your return on that investment can be. When you begin marriage counseling, you’ll be investing your finances, your time, and your emotional energy. In many ways, you’ll invest in the dream you had when you got married. Only you can decide if you believe it will be worth it. But, consider that restoring your relationship can yield joy, satisfaction, and the personal and financial benefits of emotional well-being.

I work best with couples who are serious about investing in their marriages to last a lifetime. However, if cost is a major concern, I have a few reduced-fee slots for committed couples who are struggling financially. You’re welcome to ask if I have any openings currently available.

I want to do this, but what if I’m worried about opening up to my spouse?

I understand why it’s so scary to be honest about everything with your spouse. Going to counseling takes courage, and I can’t promise that being truthful about your needs or actions will be easy. You might not even know how you feel or what you need right now. That’s normal.

I create the environment and provide the tools to help you learn about yourself and your spouse, and to communicate with fuller integrity. Most clients are relieved to get clearer about what they want and to develop healthier ways to say what needs to be said.

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